Russian Oligarch Known As ‘Sausage King’ Murdered With Crossbow In Sauna

This week in surreal 2020 headlines: Russian meat mogul Vladimir ‘Sausage King’ Marugov was found dead in his Moscow home early Monday morning after intruders invaded Sausage King’s sauna, tied him and his partner up, demanded cash, and shot him with a crossbow. The woman managed to flee and call for help, though the assailants escaped in a getaway car before the police arrived.

As soon as word of the Sausage King butchery hit the front-pages, Twitter erupted with meat puns, hypothetical 2020 bingo card quips, and tongue-in-cheek speculations about the possible involvement of fictional Ferris Bueller character Abe Froman, Sausage King of Chicago. We’ve put together some of the funniest reactions to the bizarre Russian headline. 

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